I Changed My Mind about Adoption
What if I change my mind?
You have every right to change your mind and decide to parent, that’s your choice.
However, you need to ask your self, why am I changing my mind?
- Pressure from family members.
- The birth father is back in the picture.
- The baby is so cute.
- I just can’t give up my baby.
Even before you go into the hospital, your hormones are on overdrive, your emotions will be all over the place.
You will talk your self into parenting, because of the guilt you may feel.
Your family members may convince you that they will help you, if you decide to parent.
The birth father may reappear and talk you into keeping the baby because he now realizes “he loves you.”
Facts, Not Feelings
This is when you need to deal with facts instead of feelings. When you are in an emotional state, your feelings win every time. Some will change their minds then regret it later.
You forget the reason you made a plan of adoption in the first place. All that planning goes out of the window.
As an agency, we have dealt with some birth mothers changing their minds, then regretting they did afterwards. The family members got tired of helping and start making excuses on why they cant help any more. Your plans of starting school or a new job has to stop so you can take care of your baby.
The birth father changes his mind again when he realize how expensive and needy babies are.
The money runs out.
Postpartum hits hard and life become unbearable, resentment sets in.
Who suffers? Your baby!
My Personal Story about a Birth Mom Changing Her Mind
My husband and I tried to adopt, but the birth mom changed her mind. We found out the same day of our baby shower,the birth mother delivered early. She did not bother to tell anyone. We both were devastated.
We could have accepted the fact she changed her mind for we knew of the risk. We just wished she had communicated with us so we could have prepared for the grieving process and seek closure.
We had everything prepared for our baby, the crib, carseat, diapers, clothes etc. We already paid the attorney fees.
It was very difficult returning all those baby items. Our Attorney was a blessing and gave us 1/2 of the fees.
Adoption is a risk, so I understand the emotional toll it can take on prospective adoptive parents.
We later realized God had another plan for us.
Prospective Parents Feelings
Prospective parents go through strong emotions as well as the birth mom when it comes the anticipation of having a baby. Especially if the prospective parent is childless.
If you are considering parenting after you made a plan of adoption and you already have adoptive parents involved, separate your feelings for a few minutes and allow the prospective parents some closure by advising your coordinator, caseworker, attorney you changed your mind. This will be very much appreciated.
Try and make your decision prior to the parents traveling to your delivery. If you are not 100% sure of your decision, please do not get a family involved in your adoption plan. Your Coordinator will continue to work with you in making a good decision that will best fit you and your baby.
Its best to wait until after delivery to make your plan of adoption. After a couple of days of weighing your options you should know how you feel about parenting or adoption.
Our agency will still be able to help you find good parents for your baby. If you decide to parent, make sure you ask the Social Worker at the hospital or your Coordinator for resources to help you care for your baby.